Work Life

My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
When a job application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.